Be a Winner in Life…

Parents do you want your child to become a winner?

Being a full time Martial Arts Instructor I see the children who will be winners. They come to classes every week without fail. They try their hardest and they get better. Not all at the same pace but mark my words, if you train every week, you will improve however small and sometimes unnoticeable these improvements are to you. It is impossible not to. The key to being a great Martial Artist is simple – turn up for training and don’t quit!

The age old saying is so true “A Black Belt is just a white belt that never quit”

Children are like a sponge they soak up information and values from those around them.

Being part of a good Martial Arts Club gives them good role models, confidence and focus. They develop life skills that transcend into all areas of their lives. I have lost count of the number of emails I receive from parents telling me how Martial Arts has helped their child become more confident, become more focused at school and become more motivated.

Most parents recognise the benefits of Martial Arts for children. It is difficult not to. Whilst some are stuck on their sofa playing computer games and watching TV, the champions of the future are at clubs, working hard to achieve goals and learning how to overcome fears and anxieties to be a better person.

What I find sad though is some parents, unwittingly, teach their child negative values by allowing their child to quit for no good reason. Now don’t get me wrong, Martial Arts is not the only hobby and not the only way children can create positive life skills. If a child decides to leave Martial Arts because they prefer another sport or hobby and want to dedicate their time to that, I think that is great. My concern is not to keep someone in Martial Arts who does not enjoy it or wants to be doing other things. What does concern me is when a child quits Martial Arts to do nothing else or because it got hard.

I had this only the other day with an 8 year old boy who came to classes. His mother told me he really enjoyed the classes but sometimes did not want to go as he felt tired. She said that he was always fine when he got to class and happy afterwards. Children need support and guidance and sometimes a bit of a push. This would be exactly the type of case I would say don’t give them the choice. If they come away from class unhappy because they did not enjoy it that is different. If they were so tired in class they couldn’t do anything that would be different. But a child that is given an option to sit on the sofa and watch TV or play computer games or go training where he may have to work a bit harder, will often choose the easy option. This parent let him quit to replace an hour doing something of value with an hour of sitting on the sofa. It saddens me to see the lost potential in this child.

If your child decided they were not going to brush their teeth in the morning would you allow this? I would suggest it would not even be an option! Why? A parent is not going to let their child go to school without brushing their teeth because they know brushing their teeth is going to help them stay heathy. Therefore this becomes a non-negotiable thing and in turn becomes a habit. It becomes automatic.

The parents I speak to recognise the benefits of Martial Arts. In many cases they have seen first hand the improvements in their child’s confidence and wellbeing. Yet when their child says they don’t want to go to training as they are too tired some are happy to take this at face value and let them stay at home. Why?

They see the benefits in the same way as they see the benefit of brushing their child’s teeth, but they are not going to give their child a helpful push towards the front door. I wonder when I see this if the parent thinks they are doing the best for their child, letting a tired child rest or whether they see an easy out for themselves. They don’t have to drive their child to said Martial Arts class or perhaps don’t need to pay an extra expense for membership…

I genuinely fear for the future of the children that are allowed to quit things for no good reason. Those that replace a heathy and highly beneficial hobby with sitting on the sofa watching TV or playing computer games. The message their parents are passing them is huge;

It’s ok to give up. It’s ok to quit. If something is hard just stay at home and do something else.

What will these children learn to do when they next experience a challenge? When they next feel tired, when they next feel something is too hard, or they are not making progress their default reaction will be to quit, because that is what they have been led to believe is the correct response. A bad habit is formed. A Quitter has been made.

I reiterate again, it is ok to leave something if you are leaving for a legitimate reason. But it is never a good idea to leave through simple laziness or because it is too hard. These are the battles we must win.

My son and daughter started training when they were 5 years old, multiple times a week. I would never make them do Martial Arts if they did not want to. If my daughter said to me she wanted to focus on her Gymnastics, whilst I may be disappointed, that would not be quitting that would be focusing her attention on another sport. There is nothing wrong with this. My son did just that. He left Gymnastics and replaced it with more training in Karate. If one of my children said to me I don’t feel like going to training today for no good reason the answer would be simple “Get in the car!” Now it is such an ingrained habit the conversation never happens. It is a routine.

Habits are what define us – good or bad.

As parents we have the power to create positive habits that are going to create happy successful children or negative habits, like quitting, which are going to stop kids achieving their true potential in life.

If your child says they want to ‘Quit’ something you know is good for them. Ask them why and if there is no good reason then explain to them, we are not quitters and move on.

There will be a time they thank you for it.

I leave you with this food for thought, I have never met anybody in my whole life who said “I am so glad I gave up Martial Arts when I was younger!”